In Peoria, Illinois, we offer couples therapy, marriage counseling, family therapy, children's counseling, individual counseling, sex addiction counseling, EMDR, trauma counseling, and assessments.
Reparenting: Intervention Using 4 Pillars
“Through others, we become ourselves.” Lev Vygotsky’s words are a truth when it comes to family systems. Vygotsky’s zones of proximal development greatly influence my reparenting interventions. There are four pillars to the concept of reparenting that are found in the work of Nicole LePera, who like Vygotsky examines how personalities are formed, frequently it is through family, in particular parents.
“Through others, we become ourselves.” Lev Vygotsky’s words are a truth when it comes to family systems. Vygotsky’s zones of proximal development greatly influence my reparenting interventions. There are four pillars to the concept of reparenting that are found in the work of Nicole LePera, who like Vygotsky examines how personalities are formed, frequently it is through family, in particular parents.
A family reunion is held. Forty relatives of a large family are gathered around a picnic table. Orange juice, and the aroma of barbecue are in the southern summer air as memories are made. Discussions are had of wonderful events in the family’s past: triumphs and tragedies. The gregarious spirit of the gathered is welcoming. There’s two people there who aren’t engaging with the gathered, though. We’ll call them Senior and Junior. Senior is quiet, he married into this family. He doesn’t speak to anyone unless he is spoken too. Junior does the same. Junior grows up and frequently struggles to connect with others. Junior never connected with his mother. Junior’s personality was introverted. His relationships were shallow. Junior grew up alone and frequently found the wrong crowd to hang out with. Junior struggled to find his identity and had many difficulties along the way. He sat across from me and told me his story in a prior practice I worked at.
Junior did not really know what he valued. He didn’t really know himself other than what his father, Senior had taught him. There was next to nothing when it came to his own self-education. There also was a problematic element of favoritism. Remember when I told you that Junior didn’t connect with his mother ever? Well, his older brother connected with her and was the “Golden child of the family.” In the reparenting groups I lead, Junior was able to hear stories of how he was not alone. Others had families where they simply did not fit in. Junior worked through the four pillars of reparenting.
Discipline (Rulebook for your life)
Self-Care (Staying afloat)
Joy (Seeking it out)
Emotional Regulation (Owning your moments)
Junior recognized that it was time to change, Junior pursued counseling, and then Junior began the process of reparenting. He learned his values, wrote his rules, and discovered that he in fact was not Senior. He was someone who needed to walk his own pathway through his life. He found his pathway through the four pillars of reparenting.
Can you relate to this post? Is it time to figure out who you really are? Give our office a call at 309-713-1485. We can help!
Winter Updates!
Hello Friends,
Here is another round of updates regarding new staff, the development of workshops, and additional wellness tips. We are currently in the process of planning yoga classes for children and relationship workshops.
Yoga Interest Survey
We are planning more trauma informed yoga classes, and would like to ask for your feedback. We would like to provide options for both children and adults, plus we want to make sure the dates and times are ideal for those who would participate. Please complete the survey below, as we would love to hear your ideas.
New Counselors!!
We have hired two new counselors, and another has returned from maternity leave. Since the pandemic, we have constantly had therapists who are having to manage a waitlist. This is a rare time when we have immediate availability. Give our office a call at 309-713-1485 to get scheduled.
Kate Mills, MA, LPC is a full-time therapist and has no waitlist for new clients. She works with children, adults, and couples. Her areas of focus are Life Transitions, Stress & Adjustment, Interpersonal Challenges, Post Traumatic Growth & Resilience, Depression & Anxiety, Grief & Loss, Parenting & Behavior, Play Therapy Techniques, and Art & Music Therapy Techniques.
Michelle Matzke, MA, LCPC is a part-time therapist and has availability on evenings and weekends. She specializes in children as young as 4, as well as teens and adults. Her areas of expertise are Grief & Loss, Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Self Esteem & Self Image, Stress Management, and Life Transitions.
Hannah Dobson, MA, ALMFT is a full-time counselor and has immediate openings since returning from her maternity leave. She sees children, adults, and couples. Her areas of clinical interest are Couples & Marriage, Trauma, Adoption, Parenting, Depression, and Anxiety.
Can You Fix Your Family?
I have noticed a significant reoccurring pattern in several of my client’s stories these past few weeks and thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts on this with others.
There are some amazing families out there who are loving, securely attached, have healthy boundaries, and fulfill individual emotional needs in balanced ways. They handle big feelings and give grace for the human imperfections that are in even the best of us. They address conflicts and repair hurts in relationships. Yet, many of the adult clients who end up in my office do not come from such a family. Often, a big part of their recovery is identifying patterns they learned from their family of origin, such as attachment styles, communication, and handling conflict.
The short answer is no. You cannot fix your family.
I have noticed a significant reoccurring pattern in several of my client’s stories these past few weeks and thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts on this with others.
There are some amazing families out there who are loving, securely attached, have healthy boundaries, and fulfill individual emotional needs in balanced ways. They handle big feelings and give grace for the human imperfections that are in even the best of us. They address conflicts and repair hurts in relationships. Yet, many of the adult clients who end up in my office do not come from such a family. Often, a big part of their recovery is identifying patterns they learned from their family of origin, such as attachment styles, communication, and handling conflict.
I love this quote from Brené Brown, Rising Strong, about an exercise that she does with people:
“Folks write down the name of someone who fills them with frustration, disappointment, and/or resentment, and then I propose that their person is doing the best he or she can. The responses have been wide-ranging...One woman said, 'If this was true and my mother was doing the best she can, I would be grief-stricken. I'd rather be angry than sad, so it's easier to believe she's letting me down on purpose than grieve the fact that my mother is never going to be who I need her to be.'"
The bad news is that you cannot heal the dysfunction in the family you grew up in. If that was hard to read, read it again. It is not your role to save your parents/caregivers now, nor should it ever have been your job growing up. Let that responsibility go. It is keeping you stuck, sick, and sad. Maybe they will change and maybe they won’t. It is not up to you and it never was.
There is a very real grief process that comes along with the acceptance of that reality. All of us have expectations and dreams about what we hope life looks like, and this includes our family relationships. To lead healthy and wholehearted lives, we must make peace with the very real limits of others.
The good news is that you can change your own life.
You can grow.
You can parent differently and stop those generational patterns.
You can accept yourself as worthy of love and belonging.
You can freely give empathy because of the struggles you endured.
You are not doomed to repeat the past.
You can learn new ways to communicate.
You can set boundaries.
You can take the good parts of your family and limit the parts that are harmful.
You can make a new family.
You can cultivate authentic relationships based on love, emotional/physical safety, deep connection, grace, compassion, courage, joy, and showing up for each other. Not sure where to start? Give our office a call at 309-713-1485.
Nutritional and Integrative Interventions
How often do we read these mental health statistics and think that the only “cures” are pharmaceutical interventions?
Anxiety disorders are most common mental illness in US affecting 40 million adults (ADAA)
Depression affects 322 million adults worldwide
1 of every 6 adults will suffer depression in their lifetime
Nutritional and Integrative Interventions
(Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar and ADHD)
How often do we read these mental health statistics and think that the only “cures” are pharmaceutical interventions?
Anxiety disorders are most common mental illness in US affecting 40 million adults (ADAA)
Depression affects 322 million adults worldwide
1 of every 6 adults will suffer depression in their lifetime
Nutritional psychology is an emerging field that outlines how nutrients can affect mood and behavior. Many clients will see a reduction in symptoms when integrating non-pharmaceutical interventions to treat depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and even ADHD.
It is possible to accelerate your therapeutic results by viewing the whole person:
Food: the good, the bad and the fake
Stress: A holistic approach
Exercise: Elevate serotonin and regulate stress hormones
Sleep: The 4 habits critical to sleep
Research shows that Mediterranean lifestyle--diet, physical activity, and socializing helps improve mental health/depression.
Sugar addiction--sugar as a substance releases opioids and dopamine which suggest an addictive potential
Fake nutrition--alcohol, junk food, snacks, sugar, soft drinks, white foods
Stress management--meditation, exercise, deep breathing, mindfulness, music, “ditch the screens”
Exercise--pick activity you enjoy, find a buddy, set a goal, start out slow
4 Sleep habits--adults need 7-9 hours of sleep in a dark, cool room. No caffeine after noon. Avoid electronic devices one hour before bedtime. Create a bedtime ritual.
“Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food.”---Hippocrates
S.A.D.--Standard American Diet is not recommended
High--Meat at center of plate, processed foods and simple carbohydrates
Low--healthy fats, fruits and vegetables
Healthy fats are important for brain health--avocado, coconut oil, EVOO, ghee
Proteins are important for brain health--fish, grass fed beef, eggs, nuts, seeds legumes
You can greatly increase your therapeutic results by addressing core physical and nutritional needs with a qualified counselor. You will discover the nutrients most essential to healthy brain function, treating depression and anxiety, and learn simple strategies that can be integrated with pharmaceutical interventions.
We have just scratched the surface here. There is so much more research and information about nutrition and mental health available. Professional counselors want to help you decipher and incorporate these practices into your life.
If you are interested in taking the next step in your mental and physical health, I have training in nutritional and integrative interventions. Give our office a call at 309-713-1485 or email info@summitfamily.net. I look forward to finding solution together!
Ambiguous Loss: What Is It?
Dr. Pauline Boss, PhD, from University of Minnesota, has spent most of her career studying and writing books about ambiguous loss. Have you considered how your life be impacted by an ambiguous loss? The following article is a brief summary of her findings.
Ambiguous Loss: What Is It?
Dr. Pauline Boss, PhD, from University of Minnesota, has spent most of her career studying and writing books about ambiguous loss. Have you considered how your life be impacted by an ambiguous loss? The following article is a brief summary of her findings:
What is an Ambiguous Loss?
Loss that remains unclear
Ongoing and without clear ending
Can’t be clarified, cured, or fixed
Ambiguous loss can be physical or psychological, but there is incongruence between absence/presence
Contextual: The pathology lies in a context or environment of ambiguity (pandemic, racism)
Two Types of Ambiguous Loss
Physical Absence with Psychological Presence--Leaving without saying goodbye
Catastrophic: disappeared, kidnapped, MIA
More common: leaving home, divorce, adoption, deployment, immigration
Psychological Absence with Physical Presence--Goodbye without leaving
Catastrophic: Alzeimer’s disease and of dementias, brain injury, autism, addiction
More Common: homesickness, affairs, work, phone obsessions/gaming, preoccupation with absent loved one
What Ambiguous Loss is NOT:
Death
Grief disorder
PTSD
Complicated grief
Ambivalence (different that ambiguous)
Examples of Ambiguous Loss Caused by Pandemic--loss of who we have been, what we have been doing, having control over lives, loss of our world view as safe place.
Our usual agency
Control over our usual personal, family, and work life
Our in person relationships
Our job; loss of money and financial security
Our sense of safety
The ability to control how much time we spend with family and friends
Ability to gather physically together in large numbers for worship, sports, concerts
Are you struggling with ambiguous loss? Our team of professionals at Summit Family Therapy can help. Give our office a call at 309-713-1485 or email info@summitfamily.net. You do not have to go through this alone.