In Peoria, Illinois, we offer couples therapy, marriage counseling, family therapy, children's counseling, individual counseling, sex addiction counseling, EMDR, trauma counseling, and assessments.

Robin Hayles, MA, LCPC 5/3/20 Robin Hayles, MA, LCPC 5/3/20

Coping with COVID 19: Is My Current Sadness Really Grief?

Are you having trouble identifying your feelings during the COVID 19 pandemic? You might be experiencing grief. In a recent Harvard Business Review, foremost expert on grief and author David Kessler, states there is a 6th stage of grief. Kessler co-wrote with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In Kessler’s new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, he says that after acceptance stage there can be meaning. He is also the founder of www.grief.com.

Are you having trouble identifying your feelings during the COVID 19 pandemic? You might be experiencing grief. In a recent Harvard Business Review, foremost expert on grief and author David Kessler, states there is a 6th stage of grief. Kessler co-wrote with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In Kessler’s new book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, he says that after acceptance stage there can be meaning. He is also the founder of www.grief.com.

Kessler states that:

We are feeling a number of different griefs, it feels like the world has changed and it has. We are hoping it’s only temporary but it doesn’t feel that way. There’s a loss of normalcy; fear of economic toll; and the loss of connection. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.

We may also be feeling anticipatory grief because the future is uncertain. Typically, this happens with an impending death or receiving a dire diagnosis. Anticipatory grief is confusing. We know there’s potential for bad things to happen. We sense a loss of safety, but we can’t see it. We no longer feel safe.

It’s important to understand that there isn’t a map for grief or for the grieving. People manage their grief in different ways and in unpredictable timelines. I won’t get the virus—denial. I have to miss my activities and stay home—anger. If I social distance for two weeks, I’ll be fine—bargaining. Will this ever end? —sadness. Ok, I have to figure this out—acceptance. We find power in acceptance.

Unhealthy anticipatory grief is really anxiety about the unknown. We imagine future worst-case scenarios. We don’t want to dismiss this anxiety. The goal needs to be finding balance in the things you are thinking. Not everyone who gets sick, will die. By staying in the moment, being mindful, you can calm yourself. Name five objects in the room. Breathe. I’m okay.

Let go of what you can’t control. Be compassionate. Be patient. People aren’t their “normal selves right now.” The most troubling part of this pandemic is the open-endedness of the situation. This is temporary even though it feels like forever.

Kessler identifies the sixth stage as finding meaning after acceptance. We want/need to find meaning in suffering. This might look different to different individuals, groups, and societies depending on their circumstances and experiences.

Take time to feel your emotions, name them and allow them to move through you. Leave the “would of, could of, should of” out of your feelings.

Most of us tend to identify grief in relation to a death. Grief can also be experienced from any loss —loss of relationship, loss of job/career, loss of home, loss of financial security, loss of a pet, and loss of a dream.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, it’s important to seek out professional help with a qualified therapist. What has been your hardest loss to cope with?

Resources

Berinato, S. (2020, March 23). That discomfort you’re feeling is grief. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

Katie Neidetcher, MA, LCPC 4/28/20 Katie Neidetcher, MA, LCPC 4/28/20

Tele-what? Taking the Mystery Out of Telehealth Counseling

Life in the time of COVID. There are a multitude of extra stressors that are occurring right now. People are being stretched in ways that they didn’t know existed. You might be feeling totally exhausted, stressed to the brim, anxious about what is to come, having issues with everyone in your family being stuck in the house, or feeling like things are out of control. On top of this — the typical things in your life are still going on.

Now, more than ever, people need to be aware of their mental health, how it has been affected, and what resources are available to help combat this.

Tele-counseling is one option for working through your struggles, emotions, frustrations, or just processing through this difficult time. Like traditional counseling, telehealth provides the same support and encouragement that you would receive in an in-person session and allows you to maintain physical safety, follow the social distancing guidelines, and still receive the help you need.

Tele-counseling is different, there’s no denying that. However, current research suggests that tele-counseling is just as effective as traditional counseling. A study completed by Andrews, Basu, Cuijpers, Craske, McEvoy, English, and Newby in 2018 compared traditional Cognitive Behavior Therapy to internet-based Cognitive Behavior Therapy and found that both were equally effective for treating anxiety and depression.

Let’s answer some questions about tele-counseling!

Tele-counseling won’t be as personal as in-person.

Your therapist will work to ensure that the same therapeutic relationship is provided though the tele-counseling session. Your therapist will use the same skills and training that are used in a typical session to understand you and your goals, provide the therapeutic relationship, and help you to feel supported.

How do I know that this is private?

Summit Family Therapy uses a secure, HIPAA-compliant service to provide the video connection for therapy. The therapist will be in an office, the same as if you were in the office.

There are some tips to provide privacy on your end. Some people have private space in their home. You can use headphones to ensure that others are not able to hear the therapist’s responses. You might consider leaving your home and finding a different quite space. Use this as an opportunity to get out of the house while respecting social distancing. Maybe take a drive and stop somewhere with a nice view, a park, or your favorite spot. The beauty of tele-counseling is that you can be anywhere, as long as you have internet and privacy.

I don’t have a computer with a camera.

Great news! You don’t need to have a computer. You are able to use your phone, tablet, or other device to participate in your tele-counseling session. There is an easy to download app for both IOS and Android that can be downloaded to any device with a working camera. If you have trouble with this, we can support you through getting this downloaded and coaching you over the phone.

I am not tech-savvy, this will be too difficult.

The program we use is simple and easy to use. You will get a link to your email to go to your private, virtual waiting room. When it is time for your session, the therapist will join you there — just like when they would find you in the office waiting room. Once you are in the session, there is nothing more you need to do.

What if I don’t like it?

Just like any therapy, if you aren’t happy, you don’t need to continue. If you find that you are feeling uncomfortable during the session, bring this up! Your therapist can help to process this and help you to make the best decision, for you, to move forward.

What are the benefits of tele-counseling?

Just like any therapy, this is a relationship and the same benefits exist; however, there are added benefits of using tele-counseling:

• You can attend sessions from anywhere • There is no drive time to the office •

• More flexibility in scheduling • Less risk of exposure to illness •

• Easy to access • Limited wait time •

• No need to change out of your pjs • Be in the comfort of your own space •

Robin Hayles Joins Summit Full Time!

We have BIG news! Robin Hayles, MS, LCPC, CADC, has been working with us part time and is making the jump to full time private practice this March! She has immediate openings for new clients.

We have BIG news! Robin Hayles, MS, LCPC, CADC, has been working with us part time and is making the jump to full time private practice this March! She has immediate openings for new clients.

We are very excited to have her experience and client care make our team that much stronger. Robin offers Nutritional and Non-Pharmaceutical Interventions, Faith Based Counseling, Individual Counseling, and Couple Counseling. She currently serves Teens/Adolescents (14-18), Adults (19-64), and Seniors (65+).

Her counseling specialty areas are:

Depression
Anxiety
Grief, Loss, Life Transitions & Stress
Relationships
Trauma, Self Esteem & Self Image
Women’s Issues
Anger Management
Substance Abuse

Please join us in celebrating this milestone with Robin!

Dr. Ryan Stivers, PhD, LMFT 11/14/19 Dr. Ryan Stivers, PhD, LMFT 11/14/19

Clinician Earns Registered Play Therapist Credential

We are excited to announce that Meredith Messina, MA, LCPC has achieved certification as a Registered Play Therapist! Meredith has worked hard to reach this career goal, and we are excited to celebrate with her!

A Registered Play Therapist is a licensed mental health professional who has met the rigorous training and credentialing standards set by the Association for Play Therapy. Registered Play Therapists must complete specialized academic courses and complete over 500 hours of supervised therapy sessions utilizing play therapy models and techniques.

Play Therapy is an evidenced-based, psychotherapeutic technique typically used with young and older children. Registered Play Therapists help children explore and express repressed thoughts and feelings in a comfortable and non-threatening setting. Children are allowed to freely express themselves within the play therapy room while the therapist observes behaviors and interacts with the child. The ultimate goal is to help the child develop new problem-solving and social-emotional skills through the use of play.

You can learn more about Registered Play Therapists and Play Therapy by visiting the Association for Play Therapy’s website (www.a4pt.org). If you are interested in booking a session with Meredith, please visit our website (www.summitfamilytherapy.com) or call 309-713-1485.

Dr. Courtney Stivers, PhD, LMFT 11/15/17 Dr. Courtney Stivers, PhD, LMFT 11/15/17

Do Marriage Counselors have Better Marriages?

Recently, I wrote an article that raised some questions about the divorce rates of therapists, specifically Marriage and Family Therapists. As a MFT, I wanted to learn more about this topic. I decided to dig a little bit deeper, and see if I could make sense of these statistics in existing research. There are many studies about psychotherapists, but not as many specific to MFTs.

This is a follow up post to Why You Should Probably Marry an Optometrist - Part 1. You can read that article here.

Duncan and Duerden (1990) published a study focused on the stressors and enhancers of the marital and family relationships of family professionals. The sample of 44 couples was obtained from a family professional membership list and their spouses. Couples were sent packets by mail, and had a response rate of 24%. Surveys included the following questions: “How has your work (or your spouse’s work) as a family professional uniquely strengthened your own marriage/family?” and “How has your work (or your spouse’s work) as a family professional uniquely stressful to your own marriage/family?” (p. 212). The surveys contained a list of eleven response items and a fill-in-the-blank item. Respondents were instructed to check the item if it applied to their situation, and rank it by strength.

The enhancer that family professionals most often checked was “Greater potential to prevent marital/family problems” (p. 212). The next three enhancers (in order of frequency) were “Greater awareness of problems as normal although stressful,” “Greater ability to solve marital/family problems,” and “Greater appreciation of our own marital/family strengths” (p. 213).

When family professionals were asked to rank enhancers, the highest was “Greater ability to communicate effectively,” trailed by “Greater acceptance of our own part in marital/family problems” and “Greater sensitivity to each other’s needs” (p. 213).

The stressors most often checked by family professionals were “Little time left for my own marriage/family” and “Little energy left for my own marriage/family” (p. 213). “Family professional sets unrealistic standards for marriage/family” was ranked third (p. 213). The same three items were also ranked the three highest, in the same order.

Results were also reported for the spouses of family professionals. The three most frequently checked enhancers for spouses were “Greater appreciation of own marital/family strengths,” “Greater awareness of some problems as normal, though stressful,” and “Greater sensitivity to each others’ needs.” The top three ranked enhancers were “Greater ability to communicate effectively,” “Greater sensitivity to each others’ needs,” and “Greater acceptance of our own part in marital/family problems” (p. 213).

The checking and ranking scores of the most important enhancers of both spouses and family professionals seem to be in agreement. Furthermore, the most commonly checked stressors for spouses were “Little time left for own marriage/family,” “Little energy left for own marriage/family,” and “Difficulty switching roles from family professional to family member” (p. 213). The first two stressors were also the most highly ranked. “Little energy left for own marriage/family” was ranked highest by the spouse group. This was followed closely by “Little time left for own marriage/family” and “Concern about job security due to shifts in funding” (p. 213). Once more, it seems that family professionals and their spouses had comparable checking frequencies and strength rankings in this area.

After further analysis, family professionals and their spouses reported significantly more enhancers than stressors (p < .001). Also, family professionals reported a significantly larger number of enhancers (p < .01) and stressors (p < .05) than the spouse group. The overall strength rank ordering of stressors and enhancers between family professionals and their spouses was significantly correlated for both stressors (p < .001) and enhancers (p < .05).

Duncan and Goddard (1993) completed a similar study and reported somewhat similar findings. This study again used a mailing to randomly sample family professionals from three different family related council membership lists. The sample size was 59 couples, with a 21% response rate. Surveys included exactly the same two questions: “How has your work (or your spouse’s work) as a family professional uniquely strengthened your own marriage/family?” and “How has your work (or your spouse’s work) as a family professional uniquely stressful to your own marriage/family?” (p. 436). The participants then were given eleven ranking response items, and also a written response item.

“Greater awareness of problems as normal although stressful,” “Greater ability to communicate effectively,” and “Greater appreciation of our own marital/family strengths” were the three most checked marital enhancers by the family professionals (p. 437). “Greater sensitivity to each other’s needs,” was the highest ranked marriage enhancer for family professionals (p. 437). Moreover, “Greater parenting skills” was the highest ranked family enhancer by family professionals. The most checked marriage stressors by family professionals were “Little time left for own marriage/family” and “Little energy left for own marriage/family” (p. 437). The family professional rated unrealistic standards set for the marriage/family as most stressful for the marriage. Finally, lack of respect for the family professional’s role was reported to be most stressful for family life by the family professional.

The spouse group reported, “Greater sensitivity to each other’s needs,” “Greater ability to communicate effectively,” and “Greater appreciation of our own marital/family strengths” as the most frequently reported enhancers (p. 437). These enhancers also had the three highest rankings. Parenting skills were also the most highly ranked family life enhancer in the spouse group. The spouses most often reported little time, little energy, and concerns about job security as marital and family life stressors. These were also the top three ranked stressors, in the same order. The family professionals and their spouses both reported significantly more marital enhancers than stressors (p < .001) and more family enhancers then stressors (p < .001). Family professionals, however, reported a significantly larger number of marital and family life enhancers (p < .001) and marital and family life stressors than their spouses (p < .05).

I think the good news here is these studies suggest that Marriage and Family Therapists do experience marital and parenting enhancements. The bad news is that those enhancements also appear to come with a set of problems. Now, we have some data to begin to explain the high divorce rates for Marriage and Family Therapists. There are still many unanswered questions.

How does this research compare with your experiences? Please take a moment and leave a comment below.

References

Duncan, S. F., & Duerden, D. S. (1990). Stressors and enhancers in the marital/family life of the family professional. Family Relations, 39(2), 211-215.
Duncan, S. F., & Goddard, H. W. (1993). Stressors and enhancers in the marital/family life of family professionals and their spouses. Family Relations, 42(4), 434-441.